Archive for October, 2008

My Grandma, The Detective

Posted in Commentary, Uncategorized on October 18, 2008 by gypsygies

My Grandma was an armchair detective. This was a woman who was so far above me in experienced knowledge when I was a child, that she was actually a kindof magical witch doctor. There was always something very awe-inspiring about her physical knowledge, and yet her knowledge of people and the world was so far behind me (even as a child) she seemed almost Neanderthal. But in Domestics, my Grandma was a magical, mystical witch doctor full of unseen knowledge.

Every “winter” (hey I was in Phoenix) her and Grandpa would come down from Nebraska and spend the “winter” in Apache Junction in Arizona. This means she would frequently visit, and I would occasionally have the misfortune of being left to her care. I say this as an unfortunate circumstance because she was much cleverer than my mother and nearly impossible to outsmart.

During the middle-young years of my life (the “Calvin” years), I absolutely hated to take baths. After all, I was a tomboy and had just spent the entire day getting myself sufficiently dirty. Dirt depth (and amount of surface area covered) is a matter of pride to a tomboy. It’s like a statement of status. Why would I want to wash it all off? What if someone should see me after that? They’d think I hadn’t been outside, into anything all day! With my mother this was not too much of an issue. Mom would send me into the bathroom, I would  run the water and sit on top of the stool fiddling with bathroom stuff for a few minutes, drain the tub, come out and go to bed. Occasionally mother would remark on how dirty my bedsheets always seemed to be, and come in and scrub me herself, or make my sister Leigh take a bath with me. This, I feel, was Fate ensuring that my situation did not actually reach critical mass where I would simply disappear into a large pile of dirt never to be heard from again.

However, Grandma would visit. These were the nights I dreaded. Grandma had this Rule of Inspection after bath time that was a particularly crafty piece of childhood oppression. She insisted on getting in a good inspection of each of us, me particularly (of course older sisters Leigh and Lore were in no need of Bath Enforcement). Jumping out of the bathroom, running to the bedroom and jumping into bed pretending to be instantly in a good, deep sleep did no good. She would actually come in and get me up for the Inspection. Well, as I implied before, this woman was a master detective. She could always tell whether or not I’d actually gotten into the bathtub, if I had scrubbed, how long I had scrubbed, and how hard I had scrubbed. The first thing she would do when I came out was have me hold out my arm and she would feel it. If it had just been sitting in the bathroom, I would get the “that’s not even been wet !” response. I hated these words. I heard them many times. Sometimes I would actually just wet down my arms before exiting the bathroom. But she could always tell! If they were just dampened, she would have me lift my shirt and feel my belly. That was a sure giveaway. So I would be forced to actually get in the bathtub. On those occasions, of course, I would simply get in and play around with making waves and such. Take my toys in and have them drowning, rescuing, and experiencing all manner of huge water-related adventures. This would take the appropriate amount of time to get me into some prune-ish appearance. Surely that was enough? No. This woman could always tell whether or not soap had actually been involved. To this day I have no idea how she knew. But in again I went. Then I would soap down, use the soap as a rescue boat for a few of my drowning toys, lose it in the water a few times, and at least once send it accidentally flying across the bathroom and onto the distance floor (making me get out, walk across, fetch it and soak the entire room on my way). I’m not sure mom ever figured out why so many towels were always used on nights Grandma visited.

There! Now I’m clean! Soap had been used. Again I would undergo the Inspection. Grandma was not above using a magnifying glass to aid in dirt particles detection. She used it for reading anyway so it would be nearby. I swear with this modern telescope the woman could single out individual specs on individual cells that I had missed. She often complained in life about how bad her vision was, but I never believed her – I had undergone the Inspection. That was only one of many fake-out schemes this woman had going. Of course I found it odd that she could never find her glasses on her own, and would often have no idea who I was if she saw me first thing in the morning – but if I was dirty? !! The woman would actually search for the sore redness of hard scrubbing scars, and if they were not there, in again I went! Eventually I would be forced to actually clean myself, scrubbing away all the day’s hard play and dignity.

The good part about Grandma`s visiting was that, due to this long test of wills process, I often got to bed much later than any of my siblings.



Posted in Religion, Spirituality & Ethics with tags on October 16, 2008 by gypsygies

My mind took an odd turn last night. As I was lying down to sleep, trying (as usual) to quiet it, my mind grabbed onto something interesting that I would have to think about before I lost it forever. It is not unknown for me to pray to a God or Goddess, or even the Christian God. I am not “pagan” in the sense that it commonly means, nor am I Christian in the sense that it commonly means. The dialogue playing through my brain then states “You pray to Gods, so, you believe in them.”. But, with me, this is not necessarily true. It’s the word “belief” I take issue with. There are different ways to commonly use this term. Consider the statement “I believe the Earth revolves around the Sun.”. This is generally meant to say “I understand from logic, reason, the empirical evidence and my knowledge that this statement is true.”. But to use “belief” in a religious context is to say nothing at all about reason, logic or empirical evidence. It is to say that “despite what any or all of these things may deem true, I assert this certain statement of reality anyway.”. To believe is to insert Human Ego. From my perspective, it doesn’t matter at all whether or not I believe in a God or Gods – reality simply is or isn’t. Which is to say, I do not expect my own personal assertion of any reality to have an actual affect on reality. There is no need for my belief. I pray because I allow for the possibility of their existence. While it is true that current scientific learning and my own reason, may appear to state that the existence of such beings (or being) is not possible – it is also true that there are vast stores of knowledge in the universe of which we have not yet discovered, or understood. The possibility of anything being actually true, or untrue, still exists – no matter how likely or unlikely any such thing may be. My belief in it is not required, and is therefore irrelevant. The need for belief lies only in Human Ego. It seems to me a very aggressive way to be – to state a certain condition of reality to being True, despite the fact that no Reason or empirical evidence exists to prove it so. I do not feel my Ego should matter to the Universe. However, if it strikes me to attempt communication in worship to a greater existence at any time…it seems rude to me to not acknowledge the possibility that they may actually exist.

The Texas Countryside…

Posted in Commentary, Uncategorized with tags , , on October 12, 2008 by gypsygies

Recently I got to take a nice long drive through the Texas countryside to a beach on the gulf. A few random I-thought-odd things caught my attention:

I passed a smalltown grocer advertising “Yellow Meat!” on sell…uhm…ok…What?!?  

Slowly going through another small town I glanced to my left to see a large sign with a nicely painted cross on it that said: “Jesus saved you a seat across the street.” I looked across the street and saw…a bar. I had to look quite a bit harder before I spotted kindof down the street and sortof around the corner the sign for a Methodist church. But since the bar was closer I couldn’t help but wonder which one they meant. Of course, then I wondered if I could get Jesus to buy me a nice tequila….
Out in the middle of bumfuck-Nowhere Texas countryside I came across a very large, bold-lettered sign that read: “Behold! The Lord Comes Swiftly! Watch and Pray.” which immediately gave me the impression of the Lord as some big black dragon about to swoop down on my car and eat me…and I should watch..and pray…against this.   I mean…what a fuck-freakey sign, right?

stalked by Ohio

Posted in Commentary, Uncategorized on October 12, 2008 by gypsygies

So I have Skype as my main telephone in the house. For the past several months, I’ve been getting all kinds of calls and messages left from Ohio numbers. Different numbers, asking for different people. fine They call and call and call and….call. Doesn’t matter how many times I tell someone that this is the wrong number. More and more people there call and ask for their friends, none of whom have my number.

Now I’m actually getting calls from Ohio on my CELL PHONE !!! WTF?!?Asking for different people…like the thick-hispanic accented woman yesterday who was seeking “Dorothy”. Cesar, Joe, Bruce, Amanda…apparently all of Ohio thinks they know someone who has my particular numbers. I can’t imagine why it is Ohions keep calling me !

If it were Philadelphia, PA folk now…I might understand. While I lived in Portland, OR I had a roommate from Philadelphia who promptly invited the rest of Philadelphia to sleep on our living room floor. I have, at some point, stepped over everyone in that city. With an occasional step-on. It got so bad that my other housemates and I began talk of what could be happening in Philadelphia causing such a Mass Exodus. . .

But Ohio? Sorry, wrong number.

because my brain is damaged, you see…

Posted in Uncategorized on October 12, 2008 by gypsygies

so I was wandering through the craigslist job ads like a small, eclectic grocerer and I came across an add “Back Office Assistant” which I immediately misread to say “Black Office Assistant” and simultainiously imagined them seeking an office assistant of colored origin only (and wondered why) and imagined a completely black office (carpet, walls, desk, furniture all black) that needs an assistant.
About 20 seconds in I realized my error

and that the actual ad
is much

The Distance Without

Posted in Prose-ish, Uncategorized on October 12, 2008 by gypsygies

Wild eyes

And my wild heart

Each moment my mind

Counting the miles apart

Every tree, every branch

Every inch of dirt to you

Is a lifetime wasted

Without you

Deserted highways

And back alley roads

Busy city streets

And the endless ocean home

Home  – to you

You don’t even know my name

You don’t even remember me

You’ll never realize how much

How much this distance means to me

Fiery heart

Now aflame forever

Burning in the deserted corners

Of this world

This world without You

My world, empty without You

My eyes yearning for every inch of you

Instead have every inch of earth between us

(Distance, and time

Distance, and time

They say will heal my heart

I yearn now for this distance, and time

Distance and time)

On Sexuality

Posted in Commentary, Uncategorized with tags , on October 12, 2008 by gypsygies

“Bi-Sexual” – What Does That Really Mean?

Sexuality has to do with whom you have the ability to be attracted to. Hence, “bi-sexual” means you possess the ability to be attracted to more than one sex. Since the human race only has two sexes – that covers it.


Does this mean that I am attracted to you?

Not necessarily. Understand first and foremost: just as a heterosexual woman isn’t automatically attracted to absolutely every male she sees, to be bisexual doesn’t automatically make you attracted to every person you see. The number of people a bisexual is attracted to isn’t inherently greater than the number of people a heterosexual person is attracted to. It just means that when you are attracted to someone in that “special” way, the sex of the person doesn’t much matter.

Does this mean that you’re attracted to your close, intimate friends of the same sex? That you cannot be emotionally, intellectually intimate with someone and not be attracted to them?

Of course it doesn’t mean any such thing ! A bisexual woman can be very close friends with another woman and have absolutely no interest in her in that “special” attraction way. Get that out of your head.

The number of people you’re attracted to doesn’t necessarily increase. So just as a “straight” (heterosexual – attracted to opposite sex only) woman can be very close friends with a male and bear no actual attraction to him…a bisexual or lesbian (attracted to same sex only) woman can be close friends with either male or female and bear no actual attraction to them. Just like heterosexuality: hey, if it’s there, it’s there…if it isn’t, it isn’t.

I’m attempting to explain my perspective on sexuality here because there seems to be a great deal of confusion out there about it – even among the very educated, the very cultured, the “I’m straight but Liberal” peeps who have tons of gay friends but never really discuss it…I am sympathetic to these misunderstandings. I can see how this is a very confusing subject when it’s just expected that everyone’s on the same page but nobody really wants to read that page out loud…

What Should I Do If My Friend Tells Me They’re Bisexual or Gay?

**commonly known as “coming out”**

While it is said true that the most common reaction is a moment’s blank stare, then run screaming from the room – this is not necessarily the kindest of reactions you could choose from. The best thing you could do is to recognize that your friend is still your friend – regardless of this new information. Sexuality does not have to be the entire defining characteristic of a person. For me, my sexuality has nothing whatsoever to do with my identity – it is simply an aspect of my person.

If My Friend “Comes Out” To Me, Does This Mean They Are Attracted To Me?

Not necessarily. That is something for you to discuss. Could be, could be not. Could be that they are simply wanting it to be out there, as a known aspect about them and not something that they have to hide. Heterosexuals tend not to hide their sexuality by being able to openly say “Wow! That guy is so hot!” (female example) and just expecting everyone else to be comfortable with this. It should be no different for a bisexual (or gay/les) in a friendship: in a “perfect” world, two female friends…one straight and one les or bi…should be able to walk down the street next to each other and pass by a woman and say “wow – I want that skirt!” and the other say “wow – I want that woman!” and everybody be fine with this.

Deeper Still:

Does Being Bisexual Mean That You Are Equally Attracted To Each Sex?


A big, fat NO at that.

Sexuality is not 50/50. It is not so easy as that! Being human beings, we are capable of quite complex things.

I find there are different types of attraction, and I have broken them down thus…as a means of better defining my own sexuality to myself – perhaps this will help you in better understanding yourself, or perhaps a friend:

Physical Attraction, Emotional Attraction, Intellectual Attraction and Spiritual Attraction.

My own sexuality defines like this:

I have a tendency to be Physically, Emotionally, Intellectually and sometimes Spiritually attracted to women.

I have a tendency to be Physically, Intellectually, and sometimes Spiritually attracted to men.

What Does This “have a tendency” Stuff Mean?

It means that I am more often attracted in more ways to females than to males…HOWEVER…does this mean it doesn’t happen that I can fall for a male? Of course it doesn’t! I can still be attracted emotionally to a particular male, I just have a more frequent tendency toward emotional attraction to females.

O.K. – So You’re A Lesbian Then, Right?

NO. It really is quite offensive to be called a lesbian if you’re a bisexual woman (or gay if you’re a bisexual male)…why? Not because we have anything against lesbians (hey – we love them!), but because it’s cutting off a part of our sexuality. It’s like saying “You can’t be attracted to Brad Pitt” – but Brad Pitt is sexy!! Don’t block me in by trying to make my bisexuality a mono-sexuality just for your own convenience. Just because I’m not 50/50 attracted in all ways to both sexes doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to both sexes. If I were more often attracted to males in all ways than females, but still attracted to females…I would be just as peeved to be called heterosexual if it doesn’t fit.

My Bisexual Friend Julie Got Married To Some Guy, So She’s Straight Now.

NO, actually – she isn’t. She is still bisexual. Your sexuality is not defined by who you happen to be with at any given time…it is defined by whom you have the ability to be attracted to. Yes, this IS a biological thing. You cannot be “made” to be gay or les if it just isn’t in you at all – being surrounded by gay friends may make you somewhat curious…but it’s not going to make you gay if you’re just not. Not even if they bite. ;)

Oh – My – Gawed…I’m A Woman And I Was Once Really Attracted To This Female Friend Of Mine…I Wanted To Kiss Her! Does This Mean I’m Gay?!?

No. It means you were once attracted to a female friend of yours, and you wanted to kiss her. Hey, maybe you even wanted to have sex with her. Go for it. Hey, maybe you did. Does this mean anything? No. It means nothing at all. I’m not saying the experience didn’t mean anything – I’m saying the label doesn’t mean anything.