Archive for February, 2009

The Psychology of Wanderlust

Posted in about Me..., Commentary, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on February 14, 2009 by gypsygies

“If I don’t end up where I was going, I’ll just end up somewhere Else.” (Me)


Sept 16, 2008:


That phrase came into play yesterday (Saturday). I was headed south out of town toward Goliad, TX. Somewhere along my sunny day drive, I lost the road I was supposed to be on, realized I was on some other highway instead. Headed to who-knows-where. Well, it was a nice road, though. So I just kept going. I was having a good time. I have no map in the car, which is a bit funny really. Back in my Grinnell days, no matter how poor I was (and oh I was) I somehow always managed to have a nice big Rand McNally. Nowadays, I cannot actually afford to buy a Rand McNally – hell that’d use the little bit of gas money I’m driving on! So I’m flying down some unknown road going wherever and having a great time of it. Singing old Indigo Girls toons at the top of my lungs (windows are down – everything is loud!). Eventually I have to stop for gas and managed to pick up a fold-up map. Which, inside of 10 minutes, had flown out the open window and down into a creek I was passing over. I totally laughed and decided at that point that clearly God had a better plan
in mind for me today and I was just going to have to go with it. LOL. Somewhere after 6pm I realized I was quite starving and stopped in some unnamed town (literally, the place had NO name announcement sign when I rode in)  – just a few shacks and a Dairy Queen (thus reminding me that Dairy Queen OWNS all small towns). Some guy there asked me where I was going and I actually replied a casual, chipper “I’m waiting to find out. But the speed is good and the sun is shining.” and smiled and walked away. Later I realized wow, he must have been really confused LOL. Answer made perfect sense to *me*.

Eventually I turned off onto some other highway-looking road. I don’t know why. Just seemed like the thing to do at the time. Wouldn’t ya know it? That road actually led to the original road I was
supposed to be on, but had lost. So I arrived in Goliad, TX. I got where I was going, but by a different route. Which, to me, is like having my cake and getting to eat it, too. I got to see stuff I didn’t know I was going to get to see. Very cool little towns, amazingly beautiful, serene Texas countryside, cool ranches (one with Safari-type trees, instead of native ones – yet it seemed to
fit in perfectly beautifully). I always have the best trips when I don’t care where I’m going, or really how I get there. The park I was headed to was closed by the time I got there, but I didn’t care at all. I was peacefully happy to simply arrive and turn back toward the road. It seems I am not a woman of Destinations. I’m a woman of Motion. My destination is my own – in my own mind’s
future.


Out there on a road somewhere is who I am. I’ve spent the past dozen years, literally, trying to be what my fan club wants of me. I realized out there that I gained their admiration so many years
ago for just this trait: Motion and unchained Freedom. But at the same time, somehow, they also disrespect me – the same traits that they admire, they disrespect, because it means I will never calm down, settle, be “stable” (by society’s definition). I will always be poor. On the edge of death, with a crappy half-broken car and no food. But a little bit of gas and a beautiful day. I have been told, and somehow believed it for so many years, that there’s something *wrong* with me. That I’m unhealthy, somehow, because I can’t STAY. “Sit! Stay!”. Out there yesterday I realized that I am not. It isn’t unhealthy – it’s who I AM. There are a myriad of traits within the human race and it’s so wrong to insist that everyone settle within the same lines and values. What’s unhealthy is to try to restrain my traveling blood and build up a portfolio of Cubicle and Promotion and Suit and House, Kids, Pension. These things that society wants are too costly for me. They don’t *fit*. And so I have spent 12 years trying to adjust myself to my life’s circumstances. I was not born stunningly beautiful, the voice of someone like Alison Krause, wealthy or highly educated. My life circumstances are mediocrity at best – average attraction (everyone seems to know someone who looks like me, so I must be fair common LOL), no outstanding entertainment talents, very poor. So these circumstances say you enter Society and build your way up, build a future. But I am larger than life. I myself, the traits that make me whole and happy, do not fit within that mold set for me. I am Gypsy. And to try to be anyone else, follow anyone else’s road, is Unhealthy. Maybe this means I will always be poor. Maybe this means I will always be alone. But maybe…just maybe… there is another spirit out there somewhere traveling, always on the road, inspired and  understanding that it’s not unhealthy to avoid the white-picket-fence 2.4-children. That it’s ok to Wander. Maybe, just maybe, one day we’ll meet on the same road. Someone who thinks that yes, it’s nice to have a home “base” – someplace to come back to, but they don’t necessarily always have to *be* there.

So every day I exist among the masses, work along side them in average jobs where their minds are full of thoughts of children, husbands, wives, boyfriends, kids, house, rent, bills, whatever television program is popular at the time. My mind is full of 1,000 adventures in any given moment. I think in terms of prose, philosophy, music, spirituality, Dreamer. And yes, romance. I do not really meet with them at any place in the day, no *connection*. I listen, I am interested in their lives and their worlds, but they are totally foreign to me. They discuss their pregnancies and look upon me with pity and sternness for my lack of babies at my age. As though it just didn’t work out for me. My replies of “I don’t want to have babies” is met with blank uncomprehending expressions. And then I get the lecture about how wonderful children are, how giving, how fulfilling, as though my lack of wanting that Procreate value is somehow offensive to them. Insulting to them. Sometimes they’ll even try the tactic of informing me that they’ve heard “menopause is much, much worse for women who haven’t had children” LOL! Oh well then hey – that’s a reason to populate the world, eh? I’d better run right out and make some babies! LOL. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t raise children with someone else, if I had a wife that wanted to bear them. They’d just be raised with frequent road trips. *grin*

And here, hardcore, is the difference the open road makes to my restless mind: yesterday before I left I had the song “Hole” (Kelly Clarkson – My December) stuck in my head. Couldn’t get it out. Had to play it several times over. I was just *there*. “There’s a hole, inside of me, it’s so damned cold – slowly killing me”.

On my way back last night, I played the song “Be Still” (KC – My December) like 8 times or more, in a row. Basically from like Luling, to the edge of Austin. This is a song that had never previously *connected* anywhere inside me. I thought it was nice, appreciated the sentiment, but fast forwarded through it. Last night I hit “forward” on “Hole” and instead was completely *there* in
“Be Still”. It finally landed home. On the open road, with that content peace and serenity in my mind. “Be still. Let it go.”. That is the mark of a truly good musician: to *connect* with an audience at various different points in their days, in their lives, instead of just that “one mood” mode which is so popular and encouraged by label execs. Kelly refuses to sit still on the scale. Just as I now refuse to sit still.


The Religious fallacy that just “bugs” me ~

Posted in Religion, Spirituality & Ethics with tags , , on February 10, 2009 by gypsygies

The only way I can possibly relate this thought to you, I believe, is to take you back to where I first came up against it hard core and was baffled by it.

When I attempted college, I had an Ethics class. Whoo-wee was that class ever fun. I the uber-liberal was going to college in Marshalltown, IA, which is not so much. Our instructor had this thing where each night he would present us with an ethical problem and gives us several choices and state that we must choose from those specific choices. And then explain why. My friends wanted to buy “ring side” tickets. It was, in general, a fun exercise of Me-against-All and we all stumbled out of the classroom like soldiers from a battlefield on any given night. Hee hee. Great Fun!

Here was the scenario given and the response from my answer I got that I instinctively knew something was wrong with, but have only recently figured out what:

Lifeboat: You are the first mate (captain is dead) on a sinking lifeboat. The lifeboat is sinking because there are too many people in it. The option is given to A) Let the lifeboat sink B) Ask the sick and elderly to get off, to lessen the load and allow the others to live.

I straight up answered B. A guy in the class, with several others chiming in for him, shot me a savage look: “Then you’re deciding who lives and who dies! That’s GOD’s business! Are you GOD?!? No. You don’t get to just *decide* who lives and who dies. That’s not your place. It is in God’s hands.’. It was the Playing-God argument. To try to save many, but deciding one must die, you are “playing God”.

But here is what bothers me about this argument: God has already decided. We all die. That’s why we are mortal. God’s decision has already been made.

Let’s consider the points of this religion as face-true for a moment and look at the history of Divine Decisions: Corruption seeps into the human race, and God decides something needs to be done. But instead of wiping the whole slate clean and starting afresh, it picks one family (Noah) who is devout and saves it to rebuild with those values. Again, corruption and twisting of values occurs and God’s done with it. However, the son is here to live and decide among the race and says “NO! Please – let me save them. I will teach them, teach them again what is right. Then I will die for them.” But God’s decision was already made. Sure fine this Jesus bloke spoke up for the race not to be wiped and God granted the action, but God’s decision itself was already made. We all die. It’s just the when that is in debate. The in-between here on Earth is our domain, our Fate. So all these arguments of going-against-God that have been used for such horrendous ethical crimes in this race’s time: witch burnings (most likely just strong headed women), homophobia murderers, crusades and hatred, hatred, hatred – this is all the work of Man, and Man alone. Do not sully God’s hands with your decisions. God has already decided, but is allowing us to play out our Mortal lives on this Earth on the argument that we may be savable in the end. No one wants to scrap an entire race that may have some redeeming qualities – that seems cruel. And God is kind, no?

So it is YOU – all of you out there who continually use GOD as an excuse for your actions or intolerant way of being: it is YOU who have failed to learn, in all this time, the simple lesson of Positives from Negatives. To recognize a positive from a negative. Anyone who tells you to hate, to outcast, to disagree with on principle of Existence another living being – these are fools caught up in Negative energy flow and letting darkness of anger and aggression empower them. It is, and has been for thousands of years now, your job to learn to separate and dislodge, cut out and resist the Negative, and learn to embrace the Positive. Because what we do here in-between is our business. Seems an awful waste of grace if we cannot learn so simple a lesson.