notes from the night…

Okay somebody asked me to chronicle my night shift and that may help me pass the time. So here it is… brace yourselves…

So I woke up 9:59pm and literally had to be out the door by 10:05pm – no time to shower, barely enough time to brush teeth, throw on clothes and Go. I don’t have to be to work until 11pm but I live a long way from where I work :'(.

Driving in to work, passing through downtown Austin on I-35 the speed limit is 55mph. I actually found myself saying in the car “Can Somebody PLEASE go 55?!?” because everyone was going 45 max. Wtf? There wasn’t heavy traffic but enough to be stuck behind it and no reason whatsoever anywhere for everybody to be going *below* the speed limit.

My job is to answer a phone and be here for the emergencies which come up (which they do), but outside the door of the tiny room we have there’s a guy who runs this very loud floor waxing machine. I swear every time the telephone rings, he slams the doors with it. It’s very hard to answer a telephone when all you can hear is a loud machine whamming into the door. Trying to address him does no good, he doesn’t speak English.

I’m approximately 15 minutes into watching “He’s just not that into you” and I already want to strangle Gigi. Or at least tie her to a therapists couch. I’m honestly not really sure there’s any help for her though, or for all the far too many women out there *like* her. She’s just nuts. Rather, *desperate* beyond any reason or ability to function sanely. I just could not be friends with someone like that. I’d stare at them like they’re a freak show within the first few sentences out of their mouth, then be exhausted by the end of a paragraph. So much neurosis just takes too much energy and effort toward Drama. Ugh.
I *so* would not be the over-supportive friend who always says “He’ll call”. I’m more the “Huh. Bummer. Well okay then <move on…>”.

It’s the self-respect factor. I can’t get over that… the woman is automatically into anyone willing to be into her? I’ve had so many roommates like that. Have one now. She’s cute as can be and very sweet and intelligent… but something inside lacking. She’ll be with whatever cute guy shows her the attention. She’s aware of this, even, but doesn’t know what to do. Granted, the girl is quite young and has hormones working against her. That’s a bummer of a catch really.

I’m willing to give you a chance, but I make no assumptions. I guess I’m a hard sell. Honestly an over-abundance of self-respect I really have no right to. I’m a peasant, single, not overly attractive and have the worse god-cursed teeth, but.. Headstrong beyond. Defiant. I cannot *not* respect myself to the hilt. Lol.

I have discovered that as the night goes on, I get an accent. People have noted to me before that I sound like I have an accent and enquired but I’ve no idea why… other than to say it must be a collective from the world. I have lived in several U.S. regions and tend to watch a lot of other-accented films and such – only thing I can figure is that somewhere, somehow, my most-self voice has become a bit of a collective inflection. Odd, I know…I know. What can I say? We’re always supposed to have some sort of hard-core valid reason for sounding different, but all I can really say to it is “huh.”.

Further in to the film – of course completely love Alex. I have always had a soft spot for that actor, though, so he had my attention early on (Justin Long). But still – the complete honesty mixed with intelligence and the ability to *hold a conversation* while still being gorgeous? These men exist for the elite “typical pretty” women only. Bombshells born lucky, really. Granted, generally those actually-nice *men* (note MEN, not immature guys) do have to take some disappointment and damage before they find their right bombshell who’s not going to treat *them* like a blind piece of ass.
And of course there’s all those dreamy nay-sayers who are all “No no…don’t say that, that’s jaded” who are in league with the “he’ll call” folk but don’t realize it. But the truth of the matter is, I hate the fact that if you state how the world really *is*, what reality is at least 90% of the time, people fucking look down on you for not worshipping that 10% like society’s marketers tell you to. I’m a completely soft romantic dreamer who is *also* a very pragmatic realist – who knew?

On a side note, I’ve always been very happy to hear Justin Long is with Drew Barrymore. I adore Drew completely and the two of them just seem so well matched. Hope it works out.

You know it’s the flattery factor. I know when I was like 18 to about 24 I was more prone to being attracted-by-flattery. It’s really so very flattering when someone likes you. It is. That flattery can mask itself as attraction and you become attracted to them on the news that they’re attracted to you. But then it turns out, as you go further in, that though it’s flattering it’s just not there. I caused hurt to many because of the flattery factor but the truth of the matter is, it’s unavoidable. That is simply how it is – your attraction *can be* affected by their attraction to you. But that’s only surface, it doesn’t stay. But many women seems to stay in this flattery factor phase. Someone being attracted to them, attracts them…that attention on them. For me, my own self-respect over took it. Is that completely narcissistic? I don’t know. Maybe so. I am never the one to say if one is even healthier than the other, because one isn’t perpetually single while the other is. I’m not lonely either though, but I suspect that’s just acclimation – when self-respect overtook flattery I got used to Me, and loneliness was left behind.

People need to learn to throw away pens when they don’t write well anymore. Even the most unsentimental, never keep anything people I’ve come across never just Toss Out their frickin’ pens that don’t write. Someone said it’s laziness but how does it take more energy to toss out something then to keep it and continually have to put it back in a drawer and fetch another? If I get it and it won’t write, screw it, OUT…next up…

Wow I’m coming off as a completely horrible person in this, probably, but then anybody realistic at all usually does. So go figure.

3 hrs to go…

Pepsi changed their logo again !?! Every time they do they step further and further away from any possible association with the favored drink of one’s childhood and therefore any nostalgic loyalty.

Now watching “The Bank Job”. Saffron Burrows will always get me to watch anything. Felt bad I missed in the theaters, honestly, because hers is a career I will support. Granted, that kind of reasoning got me into “The Ring” for Naomi Watts, another great actress, who now owes my terrified ass a drink. Saffron is the finest example of “actress”. If you have never seen “Miss Julie” you have not yet seen true acting. Down to the grit of the bone, that woman goes. Classical beauty too, so what’s not to see? Plus, I admit I do recall something about the original incident this film was based on, oddly, it caught my attention somewhere in time so been wanting to see the film.

Within the first half hour of the show I’m already calling “toast” on characters (pegging those who will die). Anybody both likable and innocent seeming in a film is always there to make you feel bad when they are collateral damage, basically.

Phones have actually been fairly busy at times tonight. First film took what…3 1/2 hrs to watch? Lol. That’s always good – I will never mind doing what I’m here to do, over anything else.

Brothers All-Natural Fruit Crisps..”The Healthy Snack…the one Mother Nature would eat!” I don’t know why but somehow this statement strikes me as cannibalistic. I’m like “ew – Mother Nature eating her own apples?!?” lol


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